Gordonzola - I'm glad I had a witness so that I didn't think the voices were coming from my head.

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January 25th, 2005

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03:01 pm - I'm glad I had a witness so that I didn't think the voices were coming from my head.
Fancy Food Show week started early for me. A well-known American cheesemaker stopped by the store Friday morning to drop off some new samples. She’s from the East Coast and hadn’t been to our store before though I have talked to her at many cheese events.

I’m so glad she did because she got to witness an amazing customer/cheese worker interaction.

We were chatting in the little cheese cutting area when a customer came up. Observing the proper rules of store visits, the cheesemaker and her handler (a local rep) stepped back and stopped talking so I could help the customer.

An older woman with an accent, German Swiss I think, held up a piece of Prima Donna.* Because of the price of the cheese, we cut it through the middle so that we can sell pieces between $3-$6 dollars.

"You have ruined this cheese." She declares.

"Uh, what do you mean?" I ask.

"When you cut it in half, you ruin the flavor."

""Uh, what do you mean?" I ask.

"All the flavor is in the middle. When you cut it down the center, all the flavor runs out. I know, I come from a cheesemaking family."

"OK," I say, not knowing what else to say to this. Eventually we agree that we will cut her a 2 lb. piece with an undefiled middle the next time we cut that cheese. She goes away mollified. Well Known Cheesemaker says nothing, but I can see in her eyes that she jut gained more respect for retailers.

Of course, because this always happens to customers like this, anarqueso totally forgot about the special order when she cut Prima Donna on Monday. And we couldn’t get another wheel until this coming Friday. Luckily, the woman of cheesemaker stock called back and declared that Prima Donna wasn’t actually the cheese she wanted at all and would call back when she figured out what it was she wanted.

I can’t wait.



*Prima Donna (blue) is a copy of Parrano. Basically a Dutch aged gouda with added Italian starter cultures that make it taste more aged than it is. This explains the Parrano ad campaigns that have brought us such winner slogans as, "The Dutch cheese that thinks it’s Italian", "Move over Parmesan!" and "Sort of Italian".
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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:fightingwords
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:04 pm (UTC)
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i LOVE that it's called "prima donna."
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
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I know. perfect for this occasion.
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From:slutbunwalla
Date:January 26th, 2005 04:57 am (UTC)
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Seriously, you couldn't make up a better name for the moment.
[User Picture]
From:elusis
Date:January 26th, 2005 07:30 am (UTC)
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I thought it was a cheese alias, until I read further!
[User Picture]
From:captain_grim
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:05 pm (UTC)
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that was very civil of you. i would have chased her out of the store with a meat cleaver. think of how impressed the cheesemaker would have been then!
[User Picture]
From:fightingwords
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC)
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a man after my own heart....
[User Picture]
From:postmaudlin
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC)

hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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A well-known American cheesemaker stopped by the store Friday morning to drop off some new samples. She’s from the East Coast and hadn’t been to our store before though I have talked to her at many cheese events.

I’m so glad she did because she got to witness an amazing customer/cheese worker interaction.
[User Picture]
From:chitinous
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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Oh my god, that's exactly where I thought this was going as well.
From the title and first few paragraphs, I thought it was going to be supernatural cheese porn.
[User Picture]
From:postmaudlin
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:30 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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YUP. I think I'm still a bigger fan of the big tough delivery guy, but this'll do...
[User Picture]
From:chitinous
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:35 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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Oh, if only Sarge had made a cameo in this story...
[User Picture]
From:postmaudlin
Date:January 26th, 2005 12:27 am (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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I know. It's really not the same without Sarge, is it? I'd like to see Sarge punish him for his ill-advised cheese defilement!
[User Picture]
From:chitinous
Date:January 26th, 2005 12:45 am (UTC)

the new slash

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"You wanna talk worker/owner, boy? I'm gonna work you til you know who OWNS you, cheese boy. You need to learn how to treat a lady!" Sarge handed the customer a length of plastic wrap, and indicated that she should use it to secure Gordonzola's hands to the walk-in shelf. She did, carefully, and looked to Sarge for her next command.
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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see reply to Final_girl
[User Picture]
From:pantryslut
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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Gods, he's been hanging around us way too much, hasn't he?
[User Picture]
From:postmaudlin
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:30 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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Hard to say. I think he's likely always been this filthy. We are just attuned to hear it!
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 01:08 am (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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you're the pro. is there a market for my brand of cheesemonger porn?
[User Picture]
From:warsop
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:26 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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The next paragraph goes with the porn storyline, too, especially since the cheesemaker came with her own handler:

We were chatting in the little cheese cutting area when a customer came up. Observing the proper rules of store visits, the cheesemaker and her handler (a local rep) stepped back and stopped talking so I could help the customer.
[User Picture]
From:postmaudlin
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:29 pm (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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*wakkawakka TWANG wakkawakka TWANG*
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 01:06 am (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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you're a dirty birdie.
[User Picture]
From:chitinous
Date:January 26th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)

Re: hey felicks! cute that porn soundtrack again!

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And you're not.
[User Picture]
From:jette
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC)
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All the flavor is in the middle. When you cut it down the center, all the flavor runs out.

I am imagining little cartoon cheese wedges (with you know, white gloves and lace up shoes) scurrying around store, hiding.
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 01:09 am (UTC)
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that is adorable. and rather wholesome compared to those filthy-minded folks who commented before you did.
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From:jette
Date:January 26th, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]
From:hotelsamurai
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:37 pm (UTC)
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All the flavor is in the middle. When you cut it down the center, all the flavor runs out.

I bet she ties the cord in a knot after she unplugs the toaster, so the electricity doesn't leak out. Sheesh.
[User Picture]
From:jackbrinks
Date:January 25th, 2005 11:55 pm (UTC)
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I enjoy Parrano quite a bit. Not surprising as Gouda is one of my favorites. I'll try this 'sort of Italian' Prima Donna some time.

[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 01:12 am (UTC)
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yeah, I do really like parrano despite its annoying slogans. Try the 4 yr. Saenkanter sometime. That cheese is amazing, but pricier.
From:rootlesscosmo
Date:January 26th, 2005 12:12 am (UTC)
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New slogan: "All the flavor is in the middle! Buy the whole wheel, you insecure food doofus!"
[User Picture]
From:dairryiere
Date:January 26th, 2005 02:09 am (UTC)

f*cking cheese snobs!

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I hate that!

"I can't eat that, you cut it right through the heart!"

90% of my customers want the pieces tiny not just because of price but because they don't want to be tempted to eat 1/2 lb of cheese in 1 sitting.
[User Picture]
From:crosley_bendix
Date:January 26th, 2005 02:36 am (UTC)
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I love reading about your interactions with food snobs. Thanks for posting this.
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From:flipping_hades
Date:January 26th, 2005 02:58 am (UTC)
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You just used "blue" and "Dutch aged gouda" within a sentence's proximity of each other. I once got a blue gouda at the Cheese Board (kind of like Old Amsterdam, only sharper, cut through with streaks of blue. Or like Huntsman, but with gouda). Do you know of anything like that? It was wonderful.
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 04:39 am (UTC)
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false alarm. the blue refers to the label. there's a red label one that is more aged and is a copy of Old Amsterdam.

we did just get in a blue gouda. Haven't tried it yet.
[User Picture]
From:flipping_hades
Date:January 26th, 2005 05:15 am (UTC)
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Guess it's become a trigger phrase for me. It was a memorable cheese!
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From:ayodele
Date:January 26th, 2005 03:30 am (UTC)
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"flavor in the middle"?

i'd hate to see the cows she's used to.
[User Picture]
From:freshwater_pr0n
Date:January 26th, 2005 03:46 am (UTC)
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I'm going to have to save that line and use it someday.

"I know! I come from a cheesemaking family!"
[User Picture]
From:slutbunwalla
Date:January 26th, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)

Excuse me,

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but your name is hilarious!
:^D
[User Picture]
From:freshwater_pr0n
Date:January 26th, 2005 05:33 am (UTC)

Re: Excuse me,

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Thanks!
[User Picture]
From:ilipodscrill
Date:January 26th, 2005 05:36 am (UTC)
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i'm curious if it was the same dutch woman who was trying to school me & anarqueso recently and said "i know, i'm from a cheesemaking family." made me wanna push her off a steep cliff.
[User Picture]
From:gordonzola
Date:January 26th, 2005 06:15 am (UTC)
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oh, I bet it is...
[User Picture]
From:anarqueso
Date:January 26th, 2005 06:34 am (UTC)
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It's got to be. She was all twitchy because the young goat gouda wasn't precisely the age, texture, and flavor that it was the time before. Didn't want her money back, just wanted to give me a wedgie about it, because she's from a cheesemaking family and has an accent and knows what's what.

I nearly garrotted her.
[User Picture]
From:whimsicalpops
Date:January 26th, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
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If she's from Gouda one of the cheese wheels must of fallen on her head at an early age. And that's Gouda with a spitting from the back of the throat towards the teeth longating the "ou" in the middle.
[User Picture]
From:walktheplank
Date:January 26th, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
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"You have ruined this cheese." She declares.

Honey, you need to get over that shit.
[User Picture]
From:slipkid
Date:January 26th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
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I read the comic strip "Rhymes with Orange" today in the Chron and thought of you.
[User Picture]
From:thewindrose
Date:January 26th, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
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I now have an image in my head of all the "cheese flavor" being like a gas in the center of the cheese. The minute you cut it, it hisses out and forms a Prima Donna Cheese gas cloud over your head.

It makes me wonder if she had gotten the piece she'd special ordered how she would have eaten it. Perhaps she would have tries to eat the wheel whole or maybe she has an idea where in the center all the cheese flavor is, and cuts carefully around it.
[User Picture]
From:missaggrevation
Date:January 26th, 2005 10:52 pm (UTC)
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i was in berkeley this weekend and when i told my friend your clever name he totally flipped and wanted to stalk you so bad. but, alas, i wouldn't let him.

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