Gordonzola - An asshole for 2007

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February 13th, 2007

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07:55 am - An asshole for 2007
Sometimes, all the currents of our modernity come together in an awesome confluence. While waiting in a crowded baggage claim for my bags to come off the plane, I saw a man who summed up what it means to be an asshole in 2007. This type of symbolism has a short shelf life. In a couple of years this may seem quaint and a memory of a simpler time. But for right now, this man stood for almost everything hateable in our culture.

Like I said, it was an extremely crowded area. This man paced back and forth talking loudly about business deals into his headset, oblivious to forcing people out of his way and talking more loudly than their conversations. His wife/poartner/girlfriend paced behind him with their carry-on luggage trying to keep up. No doubt that can be seen in every major city every day... what made this person stand out?

He was pacing back and forth on a Segway.

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Comments:

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[User Picture]
From:[info]lizsybarite
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC)
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Wow. WOW. Can you even properly pace on a Segway? I would think it would be much more difficult to adequately convey entitled impatience and frustration without a good solid elbowing-the-masses-out-of-the-way STOMP to go with it.

This wasn't performance art, perchance? *aghast yet intrigued*
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:10 pm (UTC)
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he was an expert Segway driver. that he didn't actually hit anyone was actually impressive. I just couldn't help view the day 20 years from now when we'll all be on Segways cursing out the self-propelled for moving too slow.

I did consider performance art actually. but I really don't think it was.
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From:[info]beelavender
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:17 pm (UTC)
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No. You made that up!
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From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:19 pm (UTC)
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Oh Bee, you should know by now that I'm not creative enough to write fiction.
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From:[info]sdn
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
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what it means to be an asshole in 2007

let us count the ways ...
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC)
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I didn't mean to step on your territory there, SDN. ;)
From:[info]knowyermonkey
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC)
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oh no
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From:[info]saltypepper
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:29 pm (UTC)
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Oh man. The assholes have a new king.
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From:[info]corvus
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:30 pm (UTC)
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I can't wait until the day folks start bringing them to dance clubs...
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From:[info]jillbertini
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC)
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It wasn't Jeff Bezos, was it?
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From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
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who's that?
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From:[info]slutbunwalla
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
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I immediately imagine this person looking like Will Arnett as GOB Bluth from the Arrested Development TV show.
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From:[info]artnoose
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:54 pm (UTC)
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Yes! Yes! I was waiting for someone to make the Gob reference. Our house borrowed the DVDs from a friend and you've never seen such a non-TV household become consumed by a TV show. Best show ever. And it revived my crush on Jason Bateman that was dormant since the early/mid 80s.
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From:[info]chitinous
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, start Netflixing Arrested Development immediately for full asshole-on-a-Segway enjoyment.
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From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
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on no, I'm showing my television ignorence, aren't I?
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From:[info]pastels_badge
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
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Ew!
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From:[info]flipzagging
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:59 pm (UTC)
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Do you think it was his significant other, or just an executive assistant?

Imagine what she had to go through that day to bring him the Segway and then somehow get home herself. Or is the guy just going to ride the Segway back to his Hummer, and then stow it?

* boggle *
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:00 pm (UTC)
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definitely seemed more significant other than assistant.
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From:[info]mallorys_camera
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
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I'm amazed that they would let a Segway past security frankly. I mean, just think of what a creative terrorist could do with the switches.
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From:[info]muffybolding
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:27 pm (UTC)
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HA! that was horrid even for socal -- which is, as everyone knows, the horrid "look at me" capital of the world. in fact, that is SO outrageous and shocking that it might even have been some sort of performance art...to which i say BRAVO! yes, i believe it was a band of clever dadaists on the loose at LAX. i am afraid my tender heart and delicate sensibilities just can't bear the idea that i am co-existing on this planet with a human being who would do something like that SERIOUSLY...for if i did believe it, i would be forced to take my own life (at the airport...on a segway.)

xoxo
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:01 pm (UTC)
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well, it was at the Burbank airport so if it was performance art, it was low impact performance art
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From:[info]magpiesf
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:30 pm (UTC)
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segways are my mortal enemies. i would be forced to stand in front of him and not yield. so... much... hate for segway.

theres a guy in downtown portland who rides his in the bike lane sometimes in the morning on the way to his work. ive been known to deliberately block him. seeing them pas, i want to throw large boards in front of them to see if their gyroscopic stabilizers will handle it.

its the ultimate new symbol of class and laziness, and the locus of all my spare ire.
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From:[info]luckysaddle
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
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They don't do this kind of thing in NY do they? I am arriving there on Thursday and would hate to be thrown out of your country before I even leave the baggage claim.
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From:[info]kohntarkosz
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC)
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I've only seen segway use once in NYC. Outdoors.
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From:[info]tristan_crane
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC)

wow.

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And here I thought the guy on BART loudly having the company international conference call where he was ordering everyone to email their power point presentations to him asap was bad.

Segway boy blows him right out of the water.
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From:[info]black_pearl_10
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)
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There has to have been hidden cameras somewhere. This sounds too much like a TV stunt.
This has Jackass written all over it.
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From:[info]trixiefirecat
Date:February 13th, 2007 05:59 pm (UTC)
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every time i see a person on a segway, i want to go up to them and say "you better have a broken fucking knee!"
[User Picture]
From:[info]animikwaan
Date:February 14th, 2007 01:31 am (UTC)
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"oh, you don't? let me fix that for you."
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From:[info]freshwater_pr0n
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
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That's pretty great, but I wish that he'd run across another angry Segway man, and that they'd start fighting, just ramming into each other over and over again and tearing at each others' hair and headsets. That, my friend, is art.
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From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
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that would be art. yes.
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From:[info]pomo_drunkard
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
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Isn't that more what it's like to be an Asshole in 2002?

Seriously, weren't Segways "cool" until about five minutes after you saw someone on them for the first time? Or until the first time George W. Bush managed to crash one?
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC)
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well, I don't know that they were ever "cool". But I've only seen them used outdoors. this was the first one I'd ever seen that was obviously an integral part of someone's lifestyle.
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From:[info]goodbadgirl
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC)
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Ew.
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From:[info]jenlight
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC)

Didn

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Asshole is just a euphemism for Incredibly Important Man.
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From:[info]twostepsfwd
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC)
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I know you are telling the truth, yet part of me is convinced you must be making this up.

I've never actually seen anyone on a Segway. I thought they never really took off and were kind of a failure commercially because no one wanted them. I guess I was wrong.
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
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well, I don't think they are a commercial success, that's for sure. But they are gathering niche markets. Many major cities seem to have "Segway Tours" now.

http://www.electrictourcompany.com/index.html
[User Picture]
From:[info]lnghnds
Date:February 13th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
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I can't believe you don't have a picture!
[User Picture]
From:[info]gordonzola
Date:February 13th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
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I kicked myself afterwards, I tell ya.
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From:[info]dirtylibrarian
Date:February 13th, 2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
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I too am totally baffled by this. Do people carry them around in their cars? Who really thinks walking less is a good idea?

I fear the day when they pave wilderness areas for segway backpacking.

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